This week I reconnected with a
number of colleagues, spanning from graduate school to my current
position. Keeping connected with
friends and colleagues that are not in close geographic proximity is a lot of
work—on both ends. Or it should be. Sometimes I feel frustrated if, in my
view, I am exerting an inordinate amount of energy to make an existing
relationship work, but the effort is not reciprocated. Do I continue my perseverance or admit
to myself that the bond we once shared has evaporated? Think of how many friends we retain
from high school? College? Our professional lives? My guess is there are only a select few
we still stay in touch with on a consistent basis which could run the gamut
from weekly to monthly to bi-annually.
Otherwise, staying connected could be a full-time job. I do silently chuckle to myself when
people brag about how many Facebook friends they have recorded. Really? That many? Good
for you. But, I internally wonder
if someone could be friends, no matter how loosely defined someone construes the
word to, say, 1,000 people or more.
One card I sent out was to a couple
I have known for over 30 years, dating back to graduate school. The husband was in my wedding party, we
use to hang out together at the old Ritz nightclub in Greenwich Village (where
I saw the first U.S. tour of U2, Rockpile, and Split Enz), and occasionally
consumed too much Chinese food. Over
the years we had talked, sporadically visited, and made countless promises for
all of us to get together.
Distance has not been the barrier.
In fact, all of the people on last week’s list are within a 2 – 2 ½ hour
radius. The issue is carving out a
dedicated period of time, which I promised in my correspondence to do sometime
this summer.
I have known another colleague for
almost the same amount of time. I
actually hired her as a Resident Hall Director and, in a quirk of fate, seven
years later she hired me for the position I have held now for over 20
years. We are good friends,
confidantes, and have shared the high’s and low’s of life. I included her on my list simply
because I felt the need to convey these thoughts. How many times do we really tell someone how appreciative we
are for their friendship? We could
have a conversation, a real heart-to-heart, about anything and know we would receive
an honest response or evaluation of the situation. I don’t have many people in my professional life like this
(not counting my wife). I wanted
to use the opportunity of The Writing Project to let her know.
One of the other individuals I
wrote to had started his career at the University of Connecticut around the
same time I had begun mine. He
could be categorized as one of those lifers (like myself) except a couple of
years ago he announced he was leaving to take up a position in Boston. Most of his friends and colleagues were
in disbelief. “Jim (not his real
name)?” we chorused. “Really?” (It was actually a good move for a
number of reasons). I have been
able to stay in touch, through the usual channels (i.e. email), but since my
daughter lived near him and my mentee from the NASPA Region I New Professional
Mentoring Institute also worked at his institution it was easier to stay
connected. However, my notecard
did not delve into campus gossip, nor matters of state, or even family
chatter. Instead, I focused on one
of the very important aspects of my life—golf. He was good and I was someone that usually broke 100 (18
holes, not 9). I now felt
confident to tee up alongside him. So, the game of golf and arranging a date to play was the
focus. We can talk about weightier
matters on the course.
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